wtf?June 2nd, 2007 Why haven’t I posted for so long? I guess I have been spending all my time listening to Porcupine Tree. You should be too, you know. They are an amazing band and you are only hurting yourself if you spend any more of your life without their music in it. oh, to be a geekApril 15th, 2007
Sure, I wish I were smarter and engaged in all kinds of big-brained stuff. But this? ugly is uglyMarch 14th, 2007 Seriously…is there an uglier and more popular fashion trend for women than designer velour track suits? Also, as I have said before about designer clothing, why a woman would pay a ton of money to have a brand name spelled out on their ass and be a walking billboard when they should be getting paid for it is beyond me. Discuss. freakin’ morgsFebruary 16th, 2007
Now, I am not a Mormon nor do I wish to become one. As far as I’m concerned you can practice whatever religion you want as long as you are happy and don’t hurt anyone. Actually, I should add as long as you don’t annoy the crap out of me, which happens frequently here. When it comes to religious door-to-door salesmen most people probably think of Jehovah’s Witnesses, but have you ever been exposed to the Mormon missionaries? I wasn’t until I moved here. You would think that there wouldn’t really be a need for them in Utah, considering the percentage of Mormons here is about 60 to 70%. I guess they would like that number to be closer to 100. The missionaries come to our house a lot. I was polite at first, but it is getting harder. I even asked once if they have a list they could put me on similar to the telemarketers do not call list. (FYI, they don’t.) It seems now they are branching out and not only going door-to-door, but patrolling parking lots in their quest for souls to harvest. 4 times in the past couple months I have been approached in the same lot while getting food to go from one of our favorite restaurants. I have considered calling the establishment to see if they know their customers are being hassled outside their place of business but decided against it because around here the person answering the phone is probably one of them.
The next couple times I was still semi-polite but starting to get a little annoyed. This last time I lost it. That morning I had 2 root canals done and was in a lot of pain. I was getting soup because it was all I could eat and as I was on my way back to the car I saw them. They headed towards me but I cut them off before they could say anything and the following exchange occurred: “Get away from me, man…I’m serious” “Oh, well we just wanted to…” “I know what you wanted to do and I’m sick of hearing about it. It’s bad enough that you people come to my house all the time, but now I can’t even go out and get food for my family without being harassed?” “Ok, have a good night” They turned to leave and I called after them “Look, I don’t buy things from people who accost me in parking lots and I certainly would never join a religion that uses tactics like that for recruiting. It’s called panhandling and It’s really annoying.” Was I a little harsh? Maybe, but I am not very nice to telemarketers either. My strategy with them is to make them feel as badly as possible about their job and maybe they will quit and there will be less of them. Same thing with these guys. Anyway, I leave you with one of my favorite scenes from Orgazmo. I recommend watching the clip here, or I have transcribed the best part below: “Hello, Ma’am. My goodness, you have such an attractive little garden here.” “Why thank you, young man. I just planted those flowers last week. My, how they grow.” “Yes ma’am. We’re from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.” “Oh, the Mormons.” “That’s right. I’m Elder Young, and this is Elder White.” “Well, you two boys can just fuck right off.” “Ma’am?” “You heard me. Take that Book of Mormon, and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pig fuckers.” shoot ‘em upFebruary 16th, 2007 There was a murderous rampage in Salt Lake City on Tuesday night. Some guy wearing a trench coat and carrying a shotgun, a handgun, and loaded up with ammo (how original is this genius?) walked into Trolley Square and started shooting at innocent little consumers. 5 dead, many more wounded, and the shooter was killed by police. This is tragic, this is horrible. But how did it affect me? I’m glad you asked. Anyone who reads this crappy blog knows that I have no love whatsoever for television news. Well, that night just reminded me of why I feel that way. I was watching some show (it was a guilty pleasure program and I am not going to say what it was) and every commercial break they were there, on the scene, showing cop cars, people standing around, even though they had absolutely nothing new to say about the tragedy. At one point they even panned the camera up into a window and said “What you are looking at now are people actually standing in line waiting to give their statements to police!” Really. How fucking fascinating. Thank God above that you people are there to report the news and share such earth shaking details with me. At least they didn’t break into the show to bring me shit like that. how not to sell a carJanuary 11th, 2007 I was driving through a parking lot yesterday when I saw this car:
Ok, let’s say I wanted to buy this piece of shit. I’m pretty sure they are asking $900.00 for it but I’ll be damned if I have any idea what their phone number is. the amazing exploits of millionaire manJanuary 7th, 2007 For those of you who don’t live in Utah and don’t have any idea who Larry H. Miller is, let me clue you in. He owns the Utah Jazz basketball team, about a bazillion car dealerships, shopping malls, movie theater megaplexes, a chain of sports apparel stores, a local sports arena, and tons of other stuff. Basically, he is the Utah version of Boss Hogg. I have ranted about him before when he pulled Brokeback Mountain (which I still haven’t seen and still have no desire to) from one of his theaters and then didn’t have the balls to admit why he did it. Anyway, he also is the owner of Miller Motorsports Park and while it’s hard for me to come up with something I find less interesting than watching cars going around and around really fast, Deanna was given some tickets to see some bigwig from a client’s company race one day and we decided to go. Partially because it was an executive suite with free food and partially because it was made clear it would look good for her to be there. Luckily the whole thing was pretty fun because it was a beautiful day, it was a new thing to do, and I really like some of her co-workers (but the food was horrible, nuff said about that). Anyway, back to Larry H. Miller and why he bugs me this time. When someone gets to be a multi-millionaire like him you can expect that he needs to have his ego stroked from time to time but Deanna and I were amazed at the sheer amount of ass kissing we witnessed at this place. First of all, everywhere you look you see his name, his picture, or a sign advertising one of his business ventures. It is more like a shrine to him than a race track. But what really had us rolling on the floor were the guys giving the play by play on the PA system during the race. They spent as much time talking about how great Larry H. Miller was and all the wonderful things he has done. Even right in the middle of the races! I got the feeling it is in their contacts that His name must be spoken every 2 minutes or they will be fired on the spot. I swear to God, I was waiting for them to say something like “Ya know, that was an exciting lap but not as exciting as that time Larry H. Miller saved 12 babies from a burning building and then went directly to a toxic chemical plant and prevented an explosion that would have wiped out half the state! Just wanted to say thanks, Larry.” I realize I will probably notice shadowy men following me around and tapping my phone after posting this but that’s a price I’m willing to pay for enlightening my readers. It’s just how I roll. more fast food idiocyJanuary 3rd, 2007 Ok, so I have ranted about Subway before, but this is a little different. I was driving past one the other day and saw a sign out in front. It was one of those signs with the big plastic letters you put on yourself. It said “NOW HIRING DAYZ” That’s right…”DAYZ” Fine, maybe they didn’t have an “S”. Maybe they thought it was funny. I just thought it looked stupid. my first moleskinesDecember 29th, 2006
I have admired these little notebooks for a while and have been meaning to buy one for some time. I was placing an order at Amazon the other day and decided to throw in a pocket sized Moleskine, thinking it would be the perfect thing to take to lodge with me for jotting down notes and ideas. Well, it arrived today and I loved it so much I went out to Barnes & Noble tonight and bought another one. This way I could devote the first one to all things Masonic and also have one for everything else. I sense another addiction coming on…
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